Regret and Sleep (Among Other Things)

Those two things are all I feel like I ever do any more. I go to school, come home, sleep for 3 or 4 hours, eat dinner, do homework, go back to bed, repeat it all the next day. Weekends aren't that different. Usually I'll wake up, do a few things, maybe play a game or two, and just sleep. Like today. I got up, took mom to work, ate breakfast, slept for a few hours, ate lunch, got a shower, slept some more until about 9. I just feel like I'm wasting my days but there just doesn't seem like anything that's important enough and sleeping allows me to pass the time quickly so I can just move on to my next mandatory thing. Guess that's how it goes when you don't feel like your life has any real meaning at the time. That's when we move on to regret.

The regret comes from choosing the major I did and, lately, I feel like I'm regretting a lot more than that. I'm even starting to regret decisions that I made in order to prevent myself from feeling this regret. For example, I had a copy of Batman: Arkham City reserved at Game Stop. Well, I went to pay fifty dollars on it today only to find out I'd still have to pay about ten more dollars when I picked it up (bringing the total cost, after adding in the five I put down to reserve it, to $65.) Well, in order to keep some of my now dwindling money, upon hearing that I decided to cancel my preorder completely. That means that if I get the game I get no alternate costume or Joker Carvinal challenge map and decided to just tell mom to put it on my Christmas list. Just now I was thinking about this choice more and more and now I'm filled with regret because I have been looking forward to that game for so long that for a while I just wanted this Tuesday to get here and now I'm not even getting the game.

There have been quite a few other things added into the cocktail of bad vibes that I've been drinking in lately. I can't really describe it but I just feel, in general, like shit all the time. Again, just like my life doesn't really have that much meaning right now. The one thing that I actually had to look forward to I have now completely erased, which means that all that remains is the end of the semester so I can tell the Comm professors and students that I don't like to suck it. Yeah...because THAT'S a really positive thing to look forward to. Getting out of something you don't like. Not like prison where you at least gain your freedom but more like having the annoying relative that just won't leave finally go home.

My family doesn't really help matters much either. I mean my parents have actually asked me if anything is wrong, since they've noticed a shift in my behavior (the sleeping and over all 'down in the dumps'-ness) but it's more than just that. I recently found out from my grandma that my uncle, the uncle whom I look up to the most and have wanted to be like for more years than I can remember, is smoking a certain substance that he did when he was younger and we suspect he may be drinking agin, even though he shouldn't be due to his physical health. Great. Way to go and just completely shatter everything that I thought you were and disregard the two or three times you literally almost died. My other uncle had really bad pneumonia this summer and can barely work to pay bills. It doesn't help that my cousin and his wife live with him and my aunt yet barely contribute anything. Only recently did my uncle finally start making him pay for shit.

I mean seriously.

My cousin was at my grandma's with all of us on her birthday and didn't even say anything to anyone the entire time. This includes not saying 'happy birthday' to my grandma although his wife and 5 year old daughter both told him to. He's another family member I used to look up to as a hero. Now he's just a complete asshat bag of dicks whom I'd like to throw through a wall so that he will finally get his shit together. But enough about that little rant. I could go all night and it's already 3:30 in the AM.

I just can't really explain it. I don't think I'm clinically depressed or anything so don't worry about that. I've just got an extreme case of the "sleepy sadness" that I need to get over. The only problem is that not much is helping. I got to see some great friends that I missed (seriously Kristan, I know you probably heard it like 50 million times when you were here but seeing you was just what I needed at the time) but all that's just short term cheerings up. What bothers me is that no matter how good of days I've had lately, I always seem to sink back into the hole. I'm just tryin to dig my way out, which is admittably going to take quite a while. So bear with me guys. Ol' Levi's gonna be kinda rough for a while, but hopefully I can kick out of this funk I'm in. Then it's fantasy good times all the way.

A sincere thank you to all of my friends that read this. You're all incredible people and I am truly lucky to have met every single one of you.

In the immortal words of the great Jason Mewes.

Snooch to the Nooch.

My Thoughts on the Opposite Sex

Women are confusing. That's a no brainer to anyone who has had any interaction with one. For example, back in about the seventh or eight grade I asked a girl out. No big deal right? I had known her for about 5 years, we were friends, and I thought I might have a chance. I wasn't asking for much either. Let's face it, in middle school you're the new Brangelina if you last a day past two weeks in a relationship so I was expecting it to not last very long whatsoever. She said she'd rather us just be friends. That's understandable, the cosmic dickery came about a week later. This was the time when Facebook had just taken off for my friends and we all got one. (Ironically, given I'm very much a tech nerd. I was one of the last of my friends to sign up, mostly because I thought myspace sucked and didn't have high hopes for Facebook.) Well, I finally got one and added my friends and the girl posted a status saying something about how she just couldn't find a boyfriend.

Yeah.

Well that's just how it goes I guess. Looks like some beggars CAN be choosers.

It just baffles me how some girls will say how much they want to live in a fairy tale. They watch Disney movies and wish Prince Charming will enter their room, kiss them in their sleep, and live happily ever after. Yet when it happens in real life, the guy is immediately climbin in yo windows and snatchin yo people up. Next thing you know you're hiding your kids, wife, and in some cases husband and autotuning everything. Don't have such high expectations if you're not willing to follow through. Also, take a chance on the people you don't think you'd normally date. You never know, they might be awesome. And by that, ladies, I mean date me. I'm awesome.


...and in need of a sammich and a backrub.

Friendship, Isolation and Cherry Cappuccinos

Sometimes you have to get away. Away from rough patches, stress, and sometimes even your friends. I learned that this week. I eat lunch with the same people almost every day. Which isn't that bad considering how they're some of my best friends (I'm lucky that a lot of my friends stayed in town for college like I am) and we have some hilarious conversations. But there are periods where a person feels like they are stuck in a rut. Like they need a change from the usual day to day. I ate by myself and just watched videos on my laptop and worked on homework during the time I had for lunch on Monday and Tuesday and I have to say, being by myself isn't as bad as I used to think it was. Again, don't get me wrong, I love spending time with friends. I just...need some me time. Which is good because they totally understood.

By the way, I had a cherry cappuccino for the first time today. AMAZING! Anyways...

MEANWHILE AT THE HALL OF JUSTICE! (wouldn't that be cool if you could use that as a transition for everything? no?...ok maybe it's just me then)

I have a friend who recently had a panic attack. Fairly large one. She was really upset about things and I texted her and tried to help her out. I started to get shaky worrying about her. Eventually she calmed down and was fine. At least she told me through Facebook chat. While I believed her fully, it still made me feel better to hear it from her voice so I had her call me. What was a requested five minutes turned into twenty-five and we just talked about stuff. School, things going on, just life in general. It made me feel good to know that I could be there for someone even though sometimes I feel powerless in the world. (What can I say? I kind of have a hero complex that stems from my affinity for superheros and junk so I always want to help people). But she, especially, was someone that I just couldn't stand by and see in her condition. I literally love that girl like she were my own flesh and blood.

Like a true sister. That's a special kind of bond that not many people get to share and, thankfully, I get to have it with a few of the most amazing people I could ever hope to meet. If any of you ever read this, just know how much I completely admire and adore all of you. You know who you are, and just know now that if any of you were ever not in my life anymore then I would be lost. Thank You.

Beginning in the Middle

Hellooo there readers. I'm Levi. I'm just your normal, everyday nineteen year old who has absolutely no idea where he's going in this crazy world. I'm currently jobless, with ever dwindling grant money, and in a major I don't even like. I am a Communication major because I thought I wanted to be a journalist and comedic writer. However, my love for comedy is not helped by this major since I could do literally the same things with a degree in English.

I also would like to be an author in general. That's why I started this blog. Our usual car salesman, Tom, also studied journalism and communication in college and suggested it to me. Wow...that's really something. The best piece of advice I've been able to get about how to go about my future career came not from somebody who works at the part of the college that advises students, but a car salesman. To be fair, though, Tom's a pretty smart guy in general and I would take advice from him on darn near anything. He's that good of a salesman.

I'm sure you'll learn more about me as time goes by. After all, as the title of this post states, we're starting in the middle here. There's quite a bit in my past that is necessary to know when explaining what's happening now, but we'll get to that later.

What you need to know now is that my money equals my current happiness but still is higher than the amount of girlfriends I have at the moment.

Ooooh man are you in for a treat.

Peace.